I must confess that I quite like the view from the moral high ground. Don’t you? Come on – don’t be shy. I’m sure that deep down inside it makes you feel strong, empowered… better than those who you’re looking down on? Literally and metaphorically.

Ahh – judging – so easy to do and yet so unhelpful.

This sign is in the public toilets in Ferntree Gully. My little Wombats were highly amused by it, wondering why on earth it was there. I thought it was a great illustration of one person’s “normal” clashing with another’s. What is patently obvious to one person might be as clear as mud to another – even when it comes to basic human functions.

Yet I’m sure that there would be plenty of people inclined to sneer at those who need a sign to tell them how to use a Western-style toilet. Consciously or unconsciously judging them as being inferior, not as intelligent – as though this sort of ignorance somehow defines their character. Let’s try not to fall into that category.

Most of us have surely heard at least one iteration of ”Take the log out of your own eye before you take the speck out of your brother’s”. Some of the greatest moral and political leaders over the course of history have warned us of the dangers of judging.

Judging a person

A quote from the Buddha says “Do not be the judge of people; do not make assumptions about others. A person is destroyed by holding judgments about others.” From Nelson Mandela: “As we judge others, so are we judged by others.” And in Eleanor Roosevelt’s words, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”

Not judging others is a central theme in Christianity. Jesus said, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged”. Then there is the story of the woman about to be stoned for adultery. He suggested to the crowd that the first stone be cast by someone who had never done wrong. Needless to say, the crowd melted away.

We often judge special needs people in our community. I think that it’s quite an easy trap to fall into, even for those of us who live and work in the special needs space. We do it for the best of reasons, in a paternalistic, even patronising way. It’s because we want to be helpful and not have make life difficult for someone with special needs by having unrealistic expectations of their capabilities. Yet I feel that this is misguided, because in doing so, we are automatically limiting them.

Not so long ago, Hubby Wombat and I were in conversation with an educator about our Dancing Wombat daughter. We were unhappy about some of the work she had been doing at school, which included copious amounts of colouring in. It turned out that the colouring in was her choice, although this was not explained at the time. We were, however, left gob smacked when we the educator told us that because our daughter gets was successful at colouring in and gained self-esteem from this success, they wouldn’t have stopped her from doing it in any case.

Guess what. She gets self-esteem from doing many other things too, which are more age-appropriate for her than colouring-in (and this wasn’t the “grown-up” colouring in which is all the rage at the moment). And actually, her self-esteem is even greater when gained from completing an activity which is more mentally or physically challenging than colouring in. But the colouring-in was an easy option, because it takes time and effort to tease our her other capabilities. These aren’t immediately obvious, so it can be easy to assume that she is not capable of more.

Do not judge me until you know me

Many worthwhile things in life take effort, and even more so when you are dealing with the multiple challenges of special needs. But if we had limited our daughter’s achievements to what was immediately obvious, she wouldn’t have learned to ride a bike, to swim, to do a myriad of things which she is able to do today but which were only achieved through months and in some cases years of persisting. As I used to say about her learning to ride, it took blood, sweat and tears – well, maybe not the blood!

There will be some things that she can never do. But there are so many other things that she might be able to do – if we allow her the opportunity to try, and don’t give up after the first attempt.

Thinking back to that original sign in the toilets, let’s be mindful of not judging  people for not being able to do things. Remember, they might never have been given the chance to try. It’s up to us to provide the opportunity. Let’s not build up our own self-esteem at the expense of others. At least, that’s what I think.

What’s your view?