“My daughter refuses to wear anything with a design on it. Is this normal for people with Asperger’s syndrome?” wrote a mother in a Facebook post recently.
My first thought on reading her comment was, why is this a problem? My second thought was, what is “normal” when it comes to clothes, anyway?
I certainly know from experience that autism can add a layer of complexity when it comes to how the clothes feel (soft, fluffy, scratchy, tight, loose) or how they look (colour, design, pattern). But, taking all this into account, what we choose to wear is a deeply personal issue. Is there really much to be gained from trying to work out what’s “normal” when we’re all so different?
Take the Wombat family, for example. I get cold easily, so I’m a “tucker-in” of shirts, singlets, camisoles, tops. I draw the line at jumpers! I love polo necks, scarves and warm hats. Long, thick, woolly socks? Yes, please! But only if they stay up. I like to feel warm and snug. Stripes? Well – that depends on their direction… Designs are a matter of individual taste. The same with colours. Nothing wrong with that. And let’s face it. If we were all “perfect” dressers (whatever the heck that is anyway), we’d be doing a whole lot of gossip magazines out of a job.
In contrast to me, Free-running Wombat is a “hang loose” kind of kid. Shirt out, top button undone, baggy pants, over-sized T-shirts. Short-sleeved PJ tops throughout winter. He’s not particularly fussed by colours or designs. He prefers to stay away from “loud” colours, and likes designs that reflect his interests and personality. As do we all!
My other three Wombats, all with ASD, are as different in their clothes choices from each other as Free-running Wombat is from me. When in uniform, Train Wombat is the antithesis of Free-running Wombat, with his shirt neatly tucked in, top button done up, blazer always buttoned. He’s as happy wearing collared, button-up shirts at home as he is wearing T-shirts. More of a trousers than a trakky-daks kid. He seems to be happy with most design choices – stripes, checks, logos, pictures. Anything age- and interest- appropriate, really. Textures don’t particularly seem to faze him, but like me, he likes to feel snug in his clothes. Hoods are always worn, and he hides away in them when feeling troubled.
Dancing Wombat, with her fine motor issues, prefers clothes that pull on, with minimal buttoning, clipping or zipping required. I reckon she can smell wool from a mile off. She doesn’t like woollen clothing, although I have managed to coax her into some very fine woollen long-sleeved T-shirts. They don’t have the slightly itchy properties of thicker woollen clothing. Anything remotely fluffy, she avoids like the plague. Polar fleece has been a saviour for winter warmth.
Like Train Wombat, if there’s something to do up, she’ll do it up. All the way. Which is not always a good look (or practical, if the weather changes), but it’s her look. Again, like her brother, if it has a hood, it goes over her head. She’s not too fussed by designs, but she likes to colour co-ordinate. So do I, although Dancing Wombat has been known to take it to extremes. The pink cap, pink top, pink trousers and pink shoes combo was, I think, a little excessive. In fact, a preponderance of pink. But she was happy.
My daughter refuses to wear a raincoat on wet school mornings. She’d rather get wet, because she doesn’t want to carry a wet coat, or put one in her bag. Fair enough, but there are mornings when I worry that she’ll get very cold waiting for her bus under an umbrella, as the wind whips around her. This seems to be a combination of tactile aversion, and a practical approach to managing wet things: management through avoidance!
What’s more “normal” than stuffing things in your pocket? Coins, tissues, tickets, pebbles, spider skins (I’m not kidding!)… Well, I’ve learned that not everyone likes pockets. For Dancing Wombat, I think it’s a sensory issue. Is that “normal”? Whatever. I don’t really care. I’m trying to her the benefits of pockets. The path to independence includes carrying your own hanky – not relying on someone else when your nose needs wiping. What is normal, though, and annoying so, is girls’ trousers, shorts, skirts and dresses without pockets. Dancing Wombat is not too keen on tucking a hanky into the other more discreet places where women tend to carry these things. She prefers pocket-less clothes. Sensory issues with clothes can be a serious issue, and these are certainly not uncommon (if that’s how one interprets “normal”) among people with ASD.
Then there’s Littlest Wombat. Of course, he has plenty of clothes which have been passed down from his two brothers. You’d think that would take care of the clothing question, hey? Well, yes and no. He too, like any other child, has his preferences. I don’t think they have anything in particular to do with his ASD. And like anyone else, these preferences change over time. Once, he was quite happy to wear button-up shirts and collared T-shirts in summer (anything to lessen time putting on sunscreen!), but now it’s just T-shirts and loose shorts. Like Free-running Wombat, he prefers trackky-daks to trousers and everything hanging loose. He has firm views on what designs or pictures he likes on his clothes. He doesn’t like tight-fitting clothes, wool (like his sister), jeans or buttoned-up shirts.
Littlest Wombat gets particularly attached to clothes, in a way that his sister does, but his brothers don’t. He’ll wear favourite T-shirts and pyjamas until they are way too small, or almost falling to pieces. But then again, so do I. I don’t think this is necessarily ASD-related.
So, what is “normal” for someone with Asperger’s? I don’t know, really! But I wouldn’t get too hung up on it, either. I figure as long as my children are neat and clean – which can be enough of a struggle as it is – and modestly clad, the rest doesn’t really matter. Yes, it’s important to work out your child’s (or your niece/nephew/friend’s) sensory challenges. If they hate wool, don’t give them a hand-knitted woollen cardigan. If they struggle with buttons, don’t give them a beautiful top that buttons up. If the sound of a zip irritates them, well – avoid zips. If they really dislike particular colours, patterns or designs, it doesn’t matter (unless perhaps, you’re struggling to get them into school uniform – in which case, not wearing anything with a design on it could cause challenges).
Clothing is one way in which we can express ourselves. Let’s empower our kids to do the same.
Until next time, Happy Wombatting!
